‘FU Money’ Is On the Up, and You Need to Know About It
Women are taking secret control over their finances—just in case.
Financially speaking, Diane* is prepared for just about anything life might throw at her. She has $4,000 in her savings, between $750 to $1000 in cash hidden in her home in an envelope in the back of a drawer nobody else goes into and a personal credit line of $20,000 which she can tap into as needed.
Most importantly, the only person who knows about it is Diane herself. And it came about as a direct result of her not having money when she needed it most.
When Diane met her now ex-husband in 2005, she was 27, working as a pharmacy technician and making $10 per hour. She was pondering going back to school to get a degree. The 19-year age gap wasn’t a red flag, exactly, but about three years into dating, she remembers her ex becoming “very jealous” of her time and attention when he couldn’t keep tabs on her. Even so, things progressed between them romantically. Around the same time, she remembers, some friends and family began to slip away as he slowly took control of her life. Still, after dating for five years, the pair married, and had a son the following year.
After their son was born, things truly began to sour. Diane had personal and professional aspirations, but when she began to take college courses, her spouse’s behavior “exploded.”
Ultimately, after demanding why she wanted to attend classes, he begrudgingly let her attend.
The problems continued: Her quest to lose some baby weight through exercise classes netted demands about who she was trying to impress. A career switch from stocking pharmacy shelves to a professional office environment required a new wardrobe, to which he didn’t take kindly. Aggressive texts and phone calls regarding her whereabouts and who she was with became the norm, followed by him picking fights with her after she got home.
“At a certain point, it was so bad that I couldn’t go to the grocery store without popping a Xanax because I knew if I was home five minutes later than he thought, there was gonna be a huge to-do.”
“At a certain point, it was so bad that I couldn’t go to the grocery store without popping a Xanax because I knew if I was [home] five minutes later than he thought, there was gonna be a huge to-do about what I was doing,” she says.
For Diane, getting out of the relationship changed from an idea to a necessity. The problem was money: She didn’t have much to her name, and what money she brought in was all controlled and monitored by him.
Despite her now-ex keeping case tabs on her (and her earnings), Diane managed to build up a small sum of money over the next 18 months, socking away $5 at a time in cash in a location even he wouldn’t be inclined to look.
And finally, one day, she left with her son. She had $85 in her stash and a temporary place to stay with a friend.
Never again, she promised herself, would she be caught in that position.
‘I’ve Seen It Time and Time Again’
Most women don’t enter into relationships thinking about a financial exit strategy. But, in cases like Diane’s, this mentality can backfire. If it’s time to go, the separation can be more doable if a person is properly set up ahead of time. Meet the FU fund. (You know what FU stands for, right? Or, eff you? OK, good. Just checking.)
The FU fund is a stock of money that’s stashed away for emergencies—to flee a bad relationship, for example, or get out of a bad work or roommate situation that the owner keeps private. It could be in the form of cash or a secret bank account, it could be other holdings or a credit line. It may never be used, but the point is, it can be used, if it’s needed. Anyone can have one, and there’s no prescribed amount it needs to be. It just has to exist. More often than not, it’s held by women because women are the ones who are more likely to find themselves earning less than a spouse or partner, in an abusive situation, and without a financial cushion.
FU money went viral somewhat recently when a Reddit thread tackled the case of a wife who didn’t tell her husband she had $47,000 stashed away without his knowledge in case she needed to cut and run. Responses ranged from “he should leave you now” to “you should get more money in there, STAT,” clearly revealing a divide over this subject.
“Do I think she’s the asshole for having [money] that her husband doesn’t know about? No. I don’t think she is,” says Samantha Garcia, a financial advisor with the wealth management firm Halbert Hargrove. “I’ve seen it time and time again. Without having that financial freedom, there is some hesitancy to leave.”
“I’ve seen it time and time again. Without having that financial freedom, there is some hesitancy to leave.”
And the likelihood that a woman might need to leave isn’t going away anytime soon.
The United Nations recently reported that nearly one in three women globally are subjected to a form of physical or intimate violence by either a partner or non-partner or both. In the U.S., an estimated 22% of women said they have experienced intimate partner violence, while one in four women aged 16 and up in the U.K. reported being raped or sexually assaulted.
Many have caught on to the idea that preparation is key. A report by Smart Money People, a financial services review site, found that in 2024, over one-fifth of survey respondents from the U.K. had a fund earmarked for leaving their relationship if the need arose.
‘I Had No Idea How Common This Was’
For Jessica*, who has now been married for 35 years, everything was going fine with her spouse until the day about 10 years ago when something in her husband changed. They had been in a stable, loving partnership, but when he developed a heart-related health problem, his personality soured, and he became prone to explosions directed at Jessica.
Rather than keep it all to herself, she reached out to friends. “Many women advised me on ways to tuck money away without alerting him,” she says. “I also had a go bag in my car.”
Her friends’ advice varied from stashing gift cards, to keeping a sum of cash hidden away in a place where only she could access it. “One told me to buy Chanel bags,” she says. “They hold value and the husband wouldn’t think to take those.”
Although Jessica had money of her own courtesy of an inheritance and a legal settlement, the need to earmark some “just in case” became clear during this time. Rather than put it in a joint account for the two of them, she put it in a separate one in her name only. “I know women whose husbands took funds like this and spent it on boats and cars without permission,” she says. “If the money is in a joint account, they can do this and often will, sadly.”
Jessica also stayed at friends’ houses while she and her husband figured things out. Ultimately, she didn’t have to leave, after her spouse received a proper diagnosis and treatment for his condition, but in the process she had amassed an emergency fund of $30,000 she intends to keep.
“I was surprised at how many women had gone through shit like this,” she says. “I had no idea how common this was, even in long-married couples who seemed fine.” She admits that she dipped into it once to do a work-related thing that felt “extravagant but really was great,” and the rest remains intact in an account that bears her name. He isn’t allowed to touch it.
A Fund For All Occasions
The usefulness of FU funds extends to situations beyond abusive relationships, as well.
When Daphne*, who works in finance, married late in life, both she and her new spouse had plenty of financial stability. But it was during a particularly bad stretch at work that she needed to make a hasty departure. Knowing she had money earmarked for a period of unemployment made the landing softer.
“I have always worried about money,” she admits. That worry took her down a pathway of conservative saving. She also skipped out on life’s extras, like the occasional to-go latte. Her financial conservatism allowed her to switch jobs several times, including during Covid when she started her own business. In Daphne’s case, being empowered to choose when and how to leave a bad boss turned out to be just as important as leaving a bad marriage.
The Rules
For anyone considering leaving a marriage or civil partnership there are some details to bear in mind. It might seem prudent to simply stash away money or assets for that “just in case” moment and call it a day, but that gets complicated when lawyers get involved.
Hollis Hardiman, a wealth manager and partner at Merit Financial Advisors, warns that, depending upon state laws, often, “any money, property, or thing that’s in anybody’s name before marriage [and] up until the day that they’re having to get divorced has to be disclosed. From there, negotiations begin.” Although mediators and lawyers ultimately step in to assist with the division of finances and assets, in the U.S. for instance, living in one of the nine so-called 50/50 states often means that when divorce is on the docket, almost everything becomes community property.
In practice, this might mean that individuals looking to get out of a bad situation could use the money to escape, but once they bring lawyers in to divide assets, they could see whatever remains of their FU money divided between them and the spouse.
Depending on where you live, you might also have a bank in your corner. In 2023, the U.K.-based finance app Communion launched with an aptly named “F.U.nd” initiative that encouraged consumers to save for the moment they might need to access money to get out of a difficult relationship or job. Communion made a splash with videos and advertisements with the key theme that “saving is freedom” and aimed the campaign at Millennial and Gen Z aged (18-40) consumers. (In the U.K., there is no set rule about how assets are divided during a divorce).
Go Fund It
These days, Diane co-parents with her ex-husband and is in a new stable relationship. She has long since graduated from the days she saved that first $85 escape fund $5 at time. This time, she has worked steadily to build up nearly $5,000 for that “just in case” moment, should it arise.
The experience and perspective have made her a de facto ally for others trying to figure out how to get out of a bad relationship. Rather than feel shame or overwhelm, “I want other people to see [survivors] come forward,” she says, knowing that sharing her story helps other women in similar situations see what’s possible
After that season of her life, ensuring her FU fund remains robust is part of the package. “I was like, never again. Just never again,” she says. “I will always be able to escape in some way if I need to.”
* Names with asterisks were changed to protect the privacy of individuals in sensitive situations.
Josie Cox
Ruchika T. Malhotra
Melanne Verveer
